Vacation Time

I booked my tickets to and from LA last night. Time to chill out and enjoy some beach time! This is the first trip I've taken since spring 09 to Wash U. I don't remember too much other than changing my flights because of someone's incompetence (leading to a million and a half layovers on the way back), disappointed expectations, admonishments about not trying hard enough and why don't you go here, and rain.

I have to admit I was weary of traveling again. What if I can't get picked up, what if it changes, what if...

Life doesn't have to be about what ifs. The past is not doomed to repeat itself. It's going to be a wonderful eight days.

I'm especially excited because I haven't been to LA outside of Disneyland since I was 4 or 5 when my mom and I went down to visit my dad after he covered the OJ trial.

Back to Our Normal Summer

The heatwave ended last night. After temps of 100F during the day it fell to 60-70 at night. This morning I woke up and it was overcast. Joy of joys! No more sun falling right on my bed and nuking me at 9 AM. I get up at 9:30 anyway but I don't like starting my morning feeling like I have to shower. I cleaned out my closet (again... seems to be a neverending cycle) and got rid of a lot of things that don't fit any more or just aren't my style. It feels good to get a bunch of things out and to get rid of things that remind me of not-so-good times.

I've also been playing Super Mario RPG. I'm glad I gave it a second chance (what, 13 years later?) and I'm fairly close to the end. I don't start my classes at FIDM until October so I have time to let my brain drain out more. Ah, relaxation.

All Caught Up

I've been taking pictures for the 365... just lazy about uploading them.

After a backlog of 20+ pictures I think I'd like to stay on top of things again.

No, that was definitely insomnia.

I need to stop downplaying problems. Not sleeping well for over a week at a time is not normal for me. I can sleep through almost anything (except snoring).

I couldn't even fall asleep to my own breathing one night. I think that's when something signaled being wrong.



Today I got my ambien. I took it about an hour and a half ago. Everything is pleasant. I know I am going to be sleeping tonight and man, that is a load off of my shoulders. I miss waking up and being awake. I miss remembering what I'm doing. I miss remembering where I'm going. I miss talking to my family without losing it.

Hello bed. I'd like to get to know you again.

Running on Empty

Crunch time. Second FIDM interview Monday. The deciding interview. Application stuff needs to be finished, need two more reference requests, things that were supposed to happen didn't.

Tired of sitting in my chair all day. No matter how I sit it's not good enough. The old abdominal pain comes back and I freak out, envisioning another trip to the ER for a ruptured ovarian cyst. That's the kind of pain that brings you to your knees and makes you remember your place. You are human. You are not invincible.

I haven't been sleeping enough. I don't want to head back to Junior year when I didn't really sleep so much as wait until the next day. I don't know if I slept or what but for three days I don't think I did. Hiding from nightmares.

Of course I'm not doing that now. I'm just working too late.

Starting Again

The feeling I got from some of my peers at high school is that you apply to a bunch of colleges, sell your soul (and money) to the college board, get your hopes for your top school crushed and go to another one and be done with it. Or if you got into your dream school, that was it. Set.

I had an easy time. I took the SAT twice, couldn't care less, applied to my one college (and didn't have to pay any fees), and got in early. Set.

Or so I thought. What you want out of life can change. It's not the end of the world. Realizing what you're doing isn't what you want to do isn't the end of the world. It's just another path.

Change Abound

Well, a lot has happened in the last week. For a while I've been feeling that as much as I love my college, I'm not doing enough of what I want to do. I brought this up about a month ago and predictably, it did not go over so well. Since then I'd been turning the idea of transferring over and over in my head. I've been feeling more and more like I need to have a change of scenery, too.

The 14th we all talked about what I would do.

The 15th I officially withdrew. As soon as I got home I started looking at jobs, apartments, and getting stuff together to sell on craigslist. A job is already looking likely. A friend of mine is leaving a loss prevention position and his boss already likes my résumé and experience. I used to be an Explorer so I have experience in this area. It would certainly be interesting to work that position in the (very rich) community I went to high school in. The idea is to sock money away for college (it's a full time position) while applying to art schools in southern California.

I could comfortably downsize into an efficiency unit.

Yes, I'm looking to move to Los Angeles.

I need to think of a name for my plan. Operation: OutRun? Operation San Andreas?